Friday, January 14, 2011

Toyo Gakuen University 応用英語I-2B And the winner is...

Well everyone, we have a winner. Before the winter break I asked you to write stories about your favourite characters in Death on U Street. About half of you wrote the stories. I sent the stories to Adam Gray and Marcos Benevides, the authors of your textbook, Fiction in Action: Whodunit. They did not know the names of the students that wrote the stories. They read the stories. Both Mr. Gray and Mr. Benevides liked Michinori's story. Therefore, Michinori is the winner!

Here's what Mr. Gray said about Michinori's story:

"The author remembered that Ellie and Sofia were going to go to Peru and decided to continue the story that way. I think this author's English is very strong and that the story is very creative."

Mr. Benevides said that he "especially liked" Michinori's story and he said it was, "a tight little story that just felt complete."

I have corrected the grammar and vocabulary mistakes in Michinori's story. You can read it below.

Michinori's Story

Ellie and Sofia went to Peru. They visited their family and went to the beach with the family. When they got to the beach they started to play, but something came up, and Ellie left,  after asking another family member to watch Sofia. As Ellie left, she said to Sofia, “I will be back soon.”

There was a little island near the beach. Sofia found a narrow path which connected the beach and the island. She got interested in the island. She decided to explore the island without asking for permission from her family because she thought maybe they would stop her from going to the island. She thought, “There will be nothing to worry about because I will go to the island for just a little while.”

On the island, Sofia saw a girl who was the same age as her. Her name was Alice. Alice was exploring the island too. They became friends because they got along very well. They played together, but it started to rain. They decided to go back to the beach, but they couldn’t do it. The narrow path had disappeared because the tide had come in. 

They took shelter from the rain in a nearby cave. They waited to be rescued. Sofia mumbled “Mom will be worried about me.” Alice heard her and asked Sofia, “Is your mother kind?”

While they waited to be rescued, they talked about their mothers. According to Alice, her mother was a strict person and she disliked her mother. Sofia told to her, “I think your mother worries about you and loves you, so your mother is strict with you.” 

After a while, the weather became good. Then, Ellie came to rescue them by ship. Alice’s mother was in the ship too. As soon as Alice’s mother saw Alice, she hugged Alice, crying. Sofia was hugged hard by Ellie too. Sofia said to Alice, “Didn’t I tell you?” 

On their way home, Sofia was scolded by Ellie, but, she felt her mother’s love very much.

If you want to see the original unedited version of Michinori's story click this link: . Michinori's story is #7. You can read stories written by other students too.


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